Insight XVI

– It would be a shame if I wasted a line reiterating how long it’s been since I regularly updated.

– Can you believe it’s been two years?

– I am at my sexiest when rebelliously contemplating crossing a red light as a pedestrian.

– “You’ve already taken so much, yet I continue to stay, naively hoping that one day you’ll overcome your possessive tendencies.” — Me, after watching over a friend’s purse.

– I imagine that watching a Build-A-Bear being stuffed would be a child’s ‘Nam.



So, it’s been two years.

Given the current state of… well, everything, which just so happens to stem from the fact that a dangerous imbecile moonlighting as a sexual harasser is now president of the United States, what once was simply an outlet for my silliness has branched out and found a companion — despair.

Of course, I would like to continue trying to maintain an overall jovial atmosphere; however, I don’t think I’ll be able to resist flirting more often with screeds equivalent to “JEREMY SMASH.”

“JEREMY SMASH” aside, I can’t believe how quickly two years have passed. My last entry was dedicated to a flood: My vehicle didn’t make it. Many vehicles in the neighborhood didn’t make it. Pictures of our vehicles not making it? They made it. They made it to Facebook. As with any experience that simultaneously feels so distant yet so familiar, I can’t say that I’ll ever forget the neighborhood’s collective mood leading to realization:

“Hm. Well, shit.”

I rather missed this format, which means that I am destined to lose interest as soon as I publish this entry, but I will say that it’s certainly not unpleasant to possibly be back.



There is a chance.

Washed Away, so to Speak

Rather than express my disappointment in being neglectful as of late, I’m afraid that this disappointment is currently preoccupied with the aftermath of a flood. Nothing quells enthusiasm quite like submerged vehicles and the persistence of mud.

My absence will have to be prolonged; however, I wanted to leave on a happier note: I present an early Christmas greeting, with the assistance of the ever-charming Jessica Lange… in a setting that would be more fitting for Halloween. (Yes, I’m late.)

– MINOR UPDATE – (05/08/2015)

It was of the utmost importance to capitalize “MINOR UPDATE.”

Due to my growing dislike for YouTube and my growing fondness for Vimeo, you’ll be prompted for a password to view the video below. Feel free to mildly inconvenience yourself, or disregard me as a human being forever — I do not recommend the latter.


Insight XV

– “You must be dead, because you look like you fell from… wait.” – Not me

– Futility is seeking intelligence from the generality of Reddit.

– I am unable to comprehend dancing without snapping my fingers.

– The modern man’s interpretation of romance:

Man 1: “I really like her. I can tell by the nonexistent-to-miniscule amount of time that we’ve spent together that she just might be the one.”

Man 2: “You should totally send her a picture of your penis. Women love that. It’s ‘alpha,’ and other similar terminology that are ultimately irrelevant when applied to human beings.”

Man 1: “You’re right; it’s time to take this relationship to the next level.”

– If I were employed as a greeter, hugs would be mandatory.

Release, and the Excerpts That Love Her

This entry is going to be a one-two, so to speak; one part animosity-ridden release, and as the title suggests, hopefully enough silliness to offset the depressing reality. I want to preface this particular rant of sorts with an apology: There has always been a certain atmosphere that I’ve wanted to maintain (a rather frivolous one, as if the sole category didn’t hint as much) but that has proven to be difficult as of late. I can’t say what the future may hold, but I do hope to avoid straying from the tone that was set when I first migrated to WordPress.

Preface aside, it was a challenge to refrain from tapping the caps lock key and commence mashing my fingers into oblivion.

It should come as no surprise that I don’t have a particularly high opinion of men. That’s not to say that I greet every member of my sex with a frown; however, there are unfortunate behavioral commonalities that I’ve noticed far too often to ignore:

– Narrow-mindedness. Whether it’s idolizing the loud and self-righteous, insisting that an opinion is wrong, foaming at the mouth over the mere mention of equality, or expecting women to lust over a makeshift personality gathered from cesspools of the internet, much is left to be desired.

– Immaturity. In the past, I’ve touched on the topic of hiding behind immaterial checkpoints; I thought I’d elaborate on what I was referencing: An academic degree and/or a job do not grant maturity — they are steps taken to increase the odds of sustaining a comfortable existence, not to be treated as merit badges with the word “Adult” scrawled in marker. Whether society or ego plays the larger role, I can never decide; I am, however, growing tired of witnessing basic communication degrade into pissing contests.

– The inability to grasp the concept of decency. When you happen upon communities predominantly consisting of men, oftentimes, it’s readily apparent that as far as mental capacity is concerned, there is no divider separating them from boys — sadly, I didn’t include that for the sole purpose of being offensive. The gamut will often begin with the promotion of absurd theories on how to “acquire” women, and end with a close-minded circle jerk regarding their war on feminism.

Despite my disappointment, I don’t believe that all men are miserable cretins, nor am I saying that all women are infallible saints; however, based on years of day-to-day casual observations, I find the disparity between men and women regarding overall mental maturity simply depressing.

That concludes my rhetoric. Given the current tone, the following excerpts provide little-to-no support in charming my way into your heart. I would be honored to settle for your…

…what I mean to say is, it would be my privilege to develop what one might perceive as a relationship of sorts with your…

I’m going to leave this grave open.


– Wonderfully Appropriate Transition –



Skype with Brittany - Excerpt XII


Skype with Brittany - Excerpt XIII


Skype with Brittany - Excerpt XIV

Skype with Brittany – Excerpts X & XI

Apologies for my recent inactivity. I was going to leave a rather convoluted summary regarding my absence; however, considering that there is a certain familiarity between us, it’s only fair that you receive a more meaningful explanation:

I haven’t had much time to dedicate to certain interests due to random excuse; however, I am random emotion to be back in some capacity.

I feel like we just shared a beautiful moment.



Skype with Brittany - Excerpt X


Skype with Brittany - Excerpt XI

Insight XIV

– I knew that I caught her eye when I casually discarded my inhaler, flashed her a roguish smile, then sensually tripped on what I perceived to be the left foot of a human.

– My attempts to convince myself that I’m not a cynical person diminish the more I socialize.

– In retrospect, “Vladicus von Shmoople” would have made a far more distinguishable pseudonym.

– We held each other tightly, grinning like perfect assholes. As we leaned in for a kiss, she gently brushed my nose with a finger and whispered, “Boop.” She wasn’t the one.

– I often marvel at how social media has made it much more convenient to lose faith in humanity.